Loving what I do but still struggling with doubts from within and without.
I have been living my life as a full-time artist for 8+ months now. Writing full-time and recording audiobooks has been an excellent experience for me, and working from home doesn’t suck.
Yes, I need to make more money from this work, and I am not unaware that there are plenty of challenges with that. But I am striving to make it work, and I will continue because this is how I desire to live my life.
That’s not to say that I have cast aside all my doubts. No, sadly, I still have many doubts about what I am doing. Some are based on external matters, others more personal.
The two questions I struggle with the most are:
- Am I really capable of making a living as an artist?
- Am I good enough at my craft to earn a living with it?
So rather than gazing at my navel, I think it’s time to address the elephant in the room and get some answers.
Am I really capable of making a living as an artist?
First, it’s important to acknowledge that many others have gone before me and done so. Some are big names most people will recognize, like George RR Martin, Neil Gaiman, Paulo Coelho, Jen Sincero, and so on.
But there are others I have encountered via Medium I would also love to emulate. Shannon Ashley, Brianna Wiest, Darius Foroux, and Ayodeji Awosika, just to name a few.
The authors I respect and look up to are many, and if I knew how to better connect with them I would. But their examples have shown me that if they can do it so can I.
There are any number of voice artists out there recording audiobooks. It’s a good starting point in launching and expanding work as a voice artist. Yes, the books I am recording are…let’s use interesting here…but my name gets out there more with each completed work.
I know that in all reality I am not the best writer nor the best voice artist. However, how do you define “best” anyhow? What criteria go into good/better/best?
The more I practice my arts the better I get. It’s a simple matter of cause and effect. There is ALWAYS room for growth, discovery, improvement, and change. Ergo, if what I am doing now isn’t the correct formula for success, then I can alter it as needs be.
I have the wherewithal to do the work. The effort is ongoing. My drive and my desire are strong. I am taking active steps to improve and expand my knowledge base.
This is a matter of self-belief. This is personal, and with mindfulness can be easily addressed.
So the answer to the question, am I really capable of making
a living as an artist, is clearly
YES.
Am I good enough at my craft to earn a living with it?
This is more complicated, largely because it’s a matter of outside perception.
To succeed as an artist, whether a painter, sculptor, chef, voice actor, or writer, people need to hire you and/or buy your work. Without fans, patrons, readers, or an audience you will earn little to nothing.
The judgment of whether what I do is “good enough” in this respect is dependent on something far outside of my control. You.
If you dislike my work, you won’t read it. If my voice annoys you then you are not going to buy an audiobook I record. If the topics I write about, whether fiction or non-fiction, do not interest you then you won’t buy my work or spend time reading my blog or articles on Medium.
What IS within my control, though, is my craft itself. If I write stories but don’t bother to edit them, no matter the genre, the errors that will go unnoticed lessen my professionalism. Ever buy a book from someone and find it disconcerting when you encounter a typo or other error an edit should have caught?
If I record an audiobook, but don’t bother to edit out clicks, pops, and other issues with breathing, or I don’t bother to do anything to improve the sound quality like equalization, the product I am producing is not its best.
Even with the questionable quality of the texts of the audiobooks I am recording, I still will make my contribution, the audiobook, a worthwhile recording.
Nobody’s perfect, especially because perfection is in the eye of the beholder. But the line between effort and half-assing something may be fuzzier than you acknowledge.
Am I good enough at my craft to earn a living with it? I do my best to be, so this answer is also YES.
Working through the doubts
My doubts seem to be ever-present, but it is entirely up to me to allow it to dominate my thoughts and make me stop doing what I love…or to set it aside and keep going.
Sometimes you just push through the doubt and ignore its stinging barbs along the way.
The best way to do this is with the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness is being aware of the present moment of my thoughts, feelings, and actions. That awareness allows me to know what I am thinking, what and how I am feeling, and how to act with intent from there – and/or what thoughts and feelings my actions will produce.
When I am aware I can influence, control, alter and change my mindset. It takes work, and it requires some reminders to be done regularly, but I think the end result is worth it.
It still makes me crazy that I have these doubts. But I truly am loving what I do, even though I am struggling with these doubts from within and without. But this is who I am, what I desire to do with my life, and I will be damned if I will get in my own way of this awesomeness.
Thank you for taking part in my ongoing journey.
Thank you for joining me, and for inspiring me and my art.
Please take a moment to explore the rest of the website, which I am working to evolve and change for the better…much like I am doing for myself. Also, visit Awareness for Everyone to check out my bi-weekly podcasts.
This is the thirty-seventh entry of my personal writing blog. Please take a moment to check out the collection of my published writing, which can be found here.
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