Our mindset, when it comes to working, is terribly skewed.
I set a goal for myself to write a minimum of one blog post/article and 1500 words of fiction a day, six days a week.
Because of a strict, self-imposed deadline – and, frankly, endless topics to choose from – I never miss the blog. Since I tend to allow myself a day off on the weekend, my Monday blog is written either Saturday or Sunday.
Of late, however, fiction writing has been a bit more challenging. This is because I have finished all the books that I set out to write this year. Now they just need to be edited (first by me, then my editor) to be published. This means I’m working on outlines for the next books.
Presently, I am expecting to release at least 5 books in 2022. The fifth and final Void Incursion novel, and at least 3 more Forgotten Fodder novels, and the third Source Chronicles novel – Harbinger. I will also likely be starting a new sci-fi series called Savagespace – but that is going to probably get a new marketing approach to it.
To get the first 4 of the above novels written, using my newfound appreciation for and desire to plan, I’m plotting. Thus far, I have 2+ new Forgotten Fodder books, the first Savagespace novel, and the first chapter of the final Void Incursion book plotted.
Much to my surprise, planning and plotting is subject to the same problems writing as a pantser – by the seat of my pants – encounters. I get stuck.
Because I have a daily 1500 word goal, I get flustered when I fail to meet that. Then, that can lead to anxiety – and inevitably beating myself up for not working enough.
Sometimes you need to step away.
I am my harshest critic
When it comes to the work that I do – I am my harshest critic. Particularly now, when I am pursuing my joy and writing full time.
When I find that working gets challenging – I tend to beat myself up over it. What that looks like is this: I get withdrawn, sullen, easily upset, and depressed because I feel like I am failing myself and everyone I love.
That gets super harsh. And it’s not fun for anyone. It’s super easy to beat myself up for not working – even though, realistically, I am still working.
My blogs tend to be between 1100 and 1600 words. I write that six days a week. There are a lot of people who would like to be writers that can’t produce more than a few hundred words at any time.
Adding the 1100 words to my 1500 words of fiction means I am putting out nearly 3000 words of writing a day. Six days a week. That’s not a small amount, particularly when you take into account that my novels are clocking in around 52,000 words.
And yet I know I can write more than that. I’ve blasted out 5000 words or more in a day. So, when I feel I am working insufficiently – as my harshest critic I start beating myself up for not making the goals.
But what if this is based on a skewed mindset?
We are living for working too often
American culture, in particular, has a really skewed focus on work. How much time, energy, and effort one should put into working is, frankly, obscene.
As the COVID restrictions lift, I suspect many offices will remain empty and businesses that will maintain a work-from-home plan. For many, this has positively altered their work/life balance.
On the other hand, there are a lot of businesses that will force their employees back to the office and the direct control and supervision of bosses. They want to make absolutely certain their people are putting in the full 8 hours (or more) and giving 110% to the job.
Apart from this mention, I’m not even going to go into the businesses that will continue using one person to do the work of three at a third of the pay any one of them should receive (without benefits, too).
Too frequently, people are living for working and losing out on truly experiencing the fullness of life. Unfortunately, this is a hallmark of uncontrolled capitalism and rich businesspeople controlling politics – and skewing how we believe these things should work.
As an artist, I have chosen to work outside of that type of setting. However, since I’m my own boss, I still am working – and beat myself up when not working as often as I believe that I should be.
Further, the benchmark I self-impose for success might be skewed. In 2021, thus far, I’ve released 2 new novels with a third on the way. I’ve written three more that will be published by the end of the year.
Realistically, that’s a lot of work.
The problem I am running into is measuring success via the impression I make on others and my paycheck. And that often causes me to beat myself up.
Old beliefs about working die hard
No offense to my mom – but she instilled in me this notion that specific people make money. Yes, this is the stereotype of the Jewish mother – but she has, in fact, said to me, “you could have been a doctor, or a lawyer, or a merchant chief.”
My father, and his father before him, were both businessmen. They wore suits to work and ran businesses. While my dad moved away from that to a different model, he still does a rather traditional form of work (although he is semi-retired).
I have tried, more than once, to work in corporate American. We don’t see eye to eye – so that’s not gone well. But due to long-held beliefs about how to earn money – good money – I tried to shove my square-peg-self into a round hole.
Now, working on my own as a writer, I still have a stringent work ethic – but a very different measuring stick to see if I am living up to it. This is why I tend to beat myself up because I feel I am not working enough – since the money coming in is not where I desire for it to be.
Despite working not to make this equation, it’s still dominant in my subconscious – success = large income.
To meet that demand, I feel like I should be working harder – and beat myself up when I am not. But this is a no-win situation so long as I keep at it in this way.
Time, instead, to take the advice I learned from Scrooge McDuck on Ducktails in my youth:
“Work smarter, not harder.”
Change my approach
There are several things I can do to reset this mindset problem while continuing to advance the work I’m doing.
I have been good about sticking with my daily routine worksheet. As my own boss, to maintain accountability, I started keeping a daily routine worksheet at the end of December. It has been altered a few times to reflect new focuses and approaches – and it’s been good for me.
It is also not strictly work, per se – but daily activities I feel are important to my overall wellbeing on every level. Thus, drinking plenty of water, daily exercise, reading, and meditation are there.
I have been good about sticking with it – save one day. Saturday. And the solution to that is simple – dump it.
Do I need to be working and being accountable to myself as my boss six days a week? No. This is an imposition that, when I don’t meet it, I beat myself up over. It’s time to let it go and keep this to the more standard weekday model.
I meditate, read, and exercise daily – even though Sunday isn’t on my worksheet. Hence, the 6th blog will still happen – because I know I have the discipline to get it done AND two days in which to do it.
The other thing I am doing is being more mindful. Mindfulness is how you connect to your conscious awareness of yourself. That awareness allows you to focus, here and now, and work smarter rather than harder for your own good.
(I offer a more detailed explanation of this here.)
Find and/or create balance
Our mindset, when it comes to working, is terribly skewed. Recognizing this, I am striving to stop beating myself up and choose a healthier work/life balance. This is another ongoing process – and just as important as the art I create.
Finally – don’t beat yourself up for not working all the time. Everyone needs time to rest and reset. It’s okay to allow for this for yourself.
And likewise – it’s okay that I do this, too. Nobody should be working to the detriment of their health and wellbeing. Don’t beat yourself up for not working all the time – everyone needs other things in life beyond work. It’s okay if I have an off day – everyone does.
Pause, be mindful, and forgive your imperfections. Easier said than done – but utterly doable.
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