Struggling with identity tends to be a matter of active mindfulness.
I wrote my first 50-page, hand-illustrated sci-fi novel when I was 9.
The next was 36-pages, typed single-spaced, when I was 13 or so.
After that, I wrote on and off, in fits and spurts. But writing was always the focal point of my identity as a creator.
Then, in 2012, I began to blog once a week. Fits and spurts of writing became regular.
In time, weekly blogging became twice-weekly blogging, then ballooned to sometimes 6 days a week. All my blogs tended to hover around 1000 words each.
Over the next few years, I started to apply the act of regular blogging to my fiction. This led to a lot more completed work, the publication of 3 books in 2020 and 6 books in 2021. As of this writing, I’m sitting on 4 completed books, 3 of which are ready to go to the editor (the fourth needs to be edited by me).
Writer became a major element of my identity. But while that’s the largest aspect of my creator self, it’s not the whole story.
This year, I found the label that best covers my creator identity – storyteller. Given that all my creations, writing or otherwise, tell stories – this felt proper and correct for me.
Still, I struggle with my identity in many ways. From others in the same seas (albeit different boats), I know I’m not alone in this.
I also know that there’s a technically simple solution – but it requires effort and attention that lessen its simplicity.
Practical applications of mindfulness
Before you roll your eyes at the notion of mindfulness, let me begin by stating this isn’t the overused idea that “mindfulness fixes everything” or the like. This is actual, factual, applicable mindfulness.
What’s the difference? The buzzword “mindfulness” has come to be this hooky-spooky self-help cure-all used and abused alongside the buzz-notion of positivity at all costs. Practical mindfulness is real, genuine mindfulness.
What is it? Conscious awareness in the now. Being consciously aware of yourself here and now.
Specifically, conscious awareness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. Or, in other words, the things you have substantive control over.
There is nobody but you in your head, heart, or soul. Nobody else can think, feel, intend, or act for you. Even when you allow someone else to influence you – you’re the one controlling what you do or don’t do.
Mindfulness is taking the wheel from rote, routine, habit, and your subconscious mind. It’s actively choosing to be conscious and aware now. It’s recognizing and acknowledging that the present, here and now, is the only time that’s truly real.
The reason this isn’t simple is because it’s not one-and-done. There’s no one-time-only act of mindfulness. It’s ongoing. And that can make for a lot of struggles.
It can also feel like quite the chore to activate regular conscious awareness – particularly when most of us exist more subconsciously than consciously.
Yet recognizing and working with the identity you most desire to have requires mindfulness and conscious awareness of it.
Identity as a creator is not our only identity
Let’s face it – we all have more than one identity.
Depending on our social circles, circumstances, environment, and numerous other of-the-moment factors, we have multiple identities.
Some are so rote and routine that we barely consider them. Child, parent, spouse, partner, friend, competitor, ally, enemy, and the like more-or-less just are. What’s more, they tend to not be how we self-identify, but rather how we’re tagged by others we associate with.
Then there are the other identities we put on at various times as necessary. These include authority figure, submissive, helper, giver, confidant, friend, lover, and more. These can also be identities others can give to us – though, at the same time, we take them on, too.
Most of these identities tie directly into both the subconscious and the ego. The subconscious because they’re done with little to no thought, feeling, or intent. Egoic because they’re what we project both within and without.
When I call myself a storyteller, and that’s the identity I desire to share, that’s a completely conscious choice. Why? Because to make that identity mine, I must give it thought, feeling, intention, and action. If I’m not mindful of it, I can’t manifest it.
And this, I believe, is where much of the struggle and incompleteness of identity is born. Because to be who we choose to identify ourselves as is consciously made and decided upon choice. That, in turn, means taking steps outside of our comfort zones.
Almost any time we leave the rote and routine of subconscious or ego behind for conscious awareness, that comes with discomfort.
Self-made identity crises
The struggle with identity tends to come from two places. Within and without.
Within is due to the shift from subconscious and egoic to conscious awareness. Without is due to how others react to us and the impact that has on us.
Most of us desire the approval of others. It provides validation, satisfaction, and sometimes a barometer for what, who, how, and why we are. But how much those who’re outside of ourselves impact us is a choice we get to make.
In other words – you decide if the opinions of others – and which others – will impact you or not.
That, too, can be a challenge. Why? Because we can care far too much about what other people think and feel about us. Yet we have zero control over that.
Constant, ongoing work with mindfulness can feel exhausting sometimes. But the end is worth it because you get to be who, what, why, and how you desire to be.
I’m a storyteller. And that identity I have created is evolving all the time. But the only way to truly experience this – how I most desire to – is by allowing myself to be the storyteller.
That means I must give myself permission to leave my comfort zone, take actions to expand this idea, and let go of the fear that if I do this, I’ll drive those I care about away.
Sound at all familiar?
Why is this more challenging for creators?
To be a creator, professionally, tends to require you to step away from the “normal” and the “expected” of society.
Writers, artists, singers, actors, and all the other creatives you can think of have made choices to take non-standard paths. What’s more, they require at least some acceptance on the part of others, so that we might sell the goods and/or services of our creation.
Maybe your family has always been supportive and accepting. Maybe they’ve told you a more standard path would have been better for you. Likely, others have similarly supported or pushed back at you.
In my experience, the identity of creator – whatever that might be for you – is extra challenging. So why bother?
Because the world needs us. Creators evolve the world, develop progress, and expand human understanding of life, the universe, and everything.
Are we worthy and deserving of this identity? Hell yes.
If it feels like your identity as a creator is a struggle, know that you’re not alone. But what you do matters, and I hope you will mindfully, consciously keep working to live the identity you choose.
Keep creating what you’re driven to create mindfully and passionately.
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