Short answer – Yes, I feel a sense of shame about it. But I’m not ashamed at all.
Not everyone is built to work 9-5 in an office, plying a trade like being a plumber or carpenter, and other “normal” jobs.
Along the same line – not everyone has the desire to be a teacher, stay-at-home parent, doctor, lawyer, or business mogul.
Sure, some people have ZERO desire to work. They would much rather sit in front of the TV, play video games all day, smoke pot, and avoid any and all responsibility. Additionally, there are people who desire to work – but simply can’t work due to a disability, injury, or other extenuating circumstance.
After all of this – there are artists. Actors, writers, singers, painters, sculptors, and all others who create art in one form or another.
The choice to be an artist is to answer a calling. I’ve been writing for around 40 years now in one way or another. And I believe that this is my art – and I should be able to utilize it to earn my living.
Even still – sometimes admitting to it comes with a sense of shame. Why? Because it’s not the “normal”. Some people view art as something you do as a hobby – not professionally.
Denying ourselves the work we most desire to do hurts us. But it can be a challenge when it comes to being made to feel a sense of shame.
Why don’t they believe in me?
I’ve asked this question from time to time. Particularly when my main focus has been on writing, as it was for most of last year.
Though they mean well – some people will question the validity of pursuing your art. They will point out the potential pitfalls, difficulties, and the like. And in trying to “help,” they might make suggestions of other avenues “less risky” that you should pursue.
The truth is – no job comes without risks. No company is so stable that they won’t crash and burn tomorrow. No career choice is so appetizing that you might not leave it (look at all the teachers leaving education because of the abuse they take, for example). “Less risky” is seldom what it’s about. The real notion is “more normal.”
And when you have an artistic dream – and you pursue it – you will be made to feel shame. Not because those who care don’t believe in you – but because they cannot and do not share your vision.
I have a nephew who is an incredibly talented musician. He’s been playing since he was a small child – and is skilled with multiple instruments, music theory, and writing music. He’s finishing high school now – and wants to pursue his music afterward.
That’s not how things are done in his family. It is expected that he will go to college or a trade school. But his dream is to be a professional musician – and he has the skills to do that.
Taking this course will not come without guilt and shame. And while I will encourage him to choose a college or trade as a backup – I will also encourage him to pursue his art without shame.
There’s no (real) shame in choosing your passion
My mom always means well. I know she wants nothing but the best for me.
For most of my life, I have pursued different arts. Writing at the start, then theatre, voice artist and radio, and back to writing.
In theatre, I wanted to be a director. I tried to get somewhere as a DJ and also as a voice artist. But when I chose to really put my energy into my writing – that is what my focus has been for some time now.
Yet all discussions about work and my career choices with my mom tend to include a round of shame. I get a lot of “have you considered <this> type of job?” in a more conventional vein than what I desire to do. Like what I am doing is not going to get me where I desire to go.
This has, for years, fed into my sense of imposter syndrome, doubts, and fears of both success and failure. That shame because I don’t take a normal path in life is not ill intent. But it’s still there.
My mom – and anyone else who has made similar comments or dropped similar statements – always means well. They are not ashamed of me – they just don’t understand, and it doesn’t match their beliefs/values/expectations.
So, I feel some shame because I’m not taking that conventional path. But whenever I’ve tried that path – it made me miserable.
Once I stopped trying to be something and someone I’m not – I began to live more authentically. And though there are bad days and times I question my own sanity – I’ve never been happier.
I know I’m fortunate to be in this position. But I also know that the world needs art and artists. And there is no shame in that.
Not-so-secret shame that’s not shameful
Until our society is more accepting of those who pursue the arts – there will be not-so-secret shame to be had.
That shame, FYI, tends to come to an end – for the most part – with financial success and/or name and brand recognition. For every Neil Gaiman, an unknown author is writing great stories. For every Jennifer Lawrence, an actress is auditioning for her first commercial. And for every Beyonce, there’s a singer just starting out at open mic nights.
Granted – even with success and recognition, some people will still make you feel shame for your unconventional choices. The reality is – that’s on them, not you. But that doesn’t mean you won’t be made to feel a little shame for doing what you do.
I believe in my work. And I believe that writing is my calling – and this art is where my attention and energy belong. The not-so-secret shame I am made to feel is not shameful. It’s just a matter of the skewed perspective of others coming up against my own.
No, I don’t choose a conventional job to earn my living. But there is no shame in that. While artists struggle with how others perceive us – we can take comfort in knowing we’re not alone and the world needs us and our work.
I’m not ashamed to be the most authentic version of myself that I am being while pursuing my art.
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